Not a Love Story.

It was recently pointed out to me that I write about relationships a lot. And I do. So for a refresher before the probable love story of tomorrow, I'm going to try writing something else and this is for, well, you know who you are. I hope you're happy. 

Once there was a boy who lived with his mother in a house on a hill and everyday, he would come down from the hill to take the bus into town to buy food and clothes and other various items that they couldn't find on their isolated hill. 

One day, this boy fell in love with a bathroom sink in a men's washroom in a grocery in town and so he vowed to love the sink (well this is turning into a love story now too, isn't it). He promised that he would come down to visit everyday. 

Then, war broke out. And their house on a hill became a safe haven because, fortunately enough, the enemy didn't know how to climb hills. They were vicious and incredibly passionate about their, um, killing, but they weren't very good with climbing hills. The trouble was that the boy missed that sink in the men's washroom in that grocery so he asked his mother if maybe he could go down the hill one last time, take that bus into town (which was miraculously still on its normal route), and say goodbye. 

And his mother said yes, because she was the kind of lonely old widow who had just stopped caring for the well being of her only son when she lost her husband and realized that she was just very immensely old. 

So the boy went into town on his unharmed bus and slid into the grocery only to find that the sink he so loved had been destroyed by vandals and was covered in blood spatter. 

It was then that he realized his true calling in life: to leave town and join the theater. See, they lived in a very small town and the arts weren't very much appreciated there so he went back to his house on a hill with his decrepit old mother and told her what he was to do. And he left, pirouetted right out the door.

What happened next was a very long string of events that led to him joining the army instead, but being picked on because he was too strong and masculine for his age. And also, he liked pudding. And none of the other boys in the army liked pudding so they made fun of him. In turn, he laughed whenever one of the boys died. And it made him happy to see them blow up -- those who mocked his love for pudding.

Somehow, his mother became ill with pregnancy and so the army sent him home to take care of his miraculously pregnant mother and his soon-to-be brother. The enemy had left but pretty much everyone had died in the town.

Before he could enter the house, he turned into a tree. And he stayed blocking the way for the rest of his life.

The end.