You
spoke too softly the first time we met
It
was like seeing your cells before seeing your skin
You
were so many fragments of so many wholes
Now
I see your all pieces in the way you become and they break me
You pushed my
world off the edge of the universe
I didn’t know
what I was supposed to do with myself
You were so
composed, I wondered what would tear you down
Now I see that was something you
could do yourself
Living
together wass a social experiment
We
were an exercise in the human capacity to tolerate
I did
love you, should anyone ask (should you ever wonder)
But
not true enough to change
I hate how you
shouted all the time, I rationalized
– you love me you love me you love me
I wanted to
dissolve in your heat
Instead I melted
in your hands
You’re too much for someone who's barely ever had enough
When
you fight, you’re insincere
And my hands are just too heavy
And
my mind slips and I forget you’re just as fractured as I am
I love you and I
am so afraid
There is a
brutality with which this is so,
And I feel I am
hurting me more than you ever could
Can you taste the
chaos in my quiet –
I admit that there are parts of me I
keep in a cage,
I
hurt you so often, I don’t know how to stop;
I bleed my sins into the bath water –
I am so sorry
I am so sorry
I am so sorry
I love you and
you are so afraid
That I will never
leave you –
I would abandon
myself to save you
There is nothing good here.
I
am so sorry.
You ravaged my
world, I am
d i s pl a c e d.
You
are so stupid.
I am less sorry.
I love you.
I trust you
(though
I’m trembling).
It won’t happen again
It
will.
Run.
I can’t.
